Seattle’s funniest tweets this week.
This week’s batch is gettin’ pithy with it.
From listening to teenagers use it: the new meaning of “Awkward” must be anything that happened to them in real life & not on the Internet.
— Harrison Ford (@MariaElizabest) May 23, 2013
I wish I would have majored in ‘three to five years prior experience.’
— Sean McCarthy (@SeanMcCarthyCom) May 23, 2013
Guy referred to work project as ‘the final solution’. Felt the need to correct him and now I just look like the weirdo obsessed with Nazis.
— Stop Following Me! (@horn_jeremy) May 23, 2013
I keep forgetting that my mobile rolodex of dick pics can make phone calls too!
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) May 23, 2013
I’m losing the dance battles but winning the dance war
— Nick Decktor(@NickMakesJokes) May 22, 2013
Hey horror directors, want to put a REAL twist in your movies?! Have someone who is not a white virgin survive #shocker
— Lydia Cruz (@CruzFM) May 22, 2013
I just killed this old lady in a walking race she didn’t know we were having!
— Monica Nevi(@MonicaNevi) May 16, 2013
In a new letter condemning the actions of North Korea, the UN has reportedly authorized the use of caps lock.
— Peter A. Williams (@aPAWcolypse) May 22, 2013
I can’t take compliments b/c my 1st reaction is always “That’s not what my brain’s been telling me!”
— Paul Barach (@PaulBarach) May 23, 2013
America: The country with the most centers of the universe per capita.
— Ross Parsons (@rossparsons) May 22, 2013