If you want to make it in this business you’re gonna need an iron will and a pleasant disposition. You should be a brilliant improviser but also be capable of adhering to a rigid routine. You’ll need book smarts, sure, but you’ll need street smarts, too. The ideal candidate will be a “people person” who can also cope with periods of intense solitude.
This isn’t just a job; it’s a way of life. It’s a calling.
You might be asking yourself, why would I need all these personality traits just to answer phones for a carpet wholesaler? If that’s what you’re asking yourself, no need to apply. This job is not for you. If you’re just another coddled chairwarmer, kindly move along.
I can’t afford to hire slackers. My grandpa built this business from the ground up with nothing but a business degree he got through the GI Bill, a VA loan and a large plot of commercial real estate in the city center he bought for $3,000. My pa inherited the company and guided it through two recessions while also competing in numerous Jet Ski polo tournaments around the globe.
And now I’ve taken over the family business. I’m the youngest CEO to ever run this company and I’m ready to “disrupt” carpet wholesaling with a bold strategy that will leverage social media to change the way contractors buy flooring materials forever. I’m also one of the top adult kickball players in the Northwest.
I will accept nothing less than excellence. You should have a BA or higher, eight references, a stellar essay and wide-open availability. If chosen, you’ll be expected to work grueling hours in stressful conditions for little reward. But you’ll be helping to realize my grandpa’s vision of selling carpet in the region without having to give the Greeks and Italians a cut. That vision is so close to fruition I can almost taste it.
Did I mention this is a six-month unpaid internship? We’re committed to building the next generation of carpet wholesalers, one bright young person with no work history at a time. You should be fluent in Excel and Instagram and also be able to lift 50–90 pounds repeatedly for long periods. Note: This position includes free coffee (drip, non-dairy creamer) and all the carpet remnants you can haul away.
If you want to join me in changing the face of business forever, show me you’ve got what it takes. Now is your time, so don’t wait: We’ll decide between our 300+ applicants on Thursday.
