6 Illuminating Things from the Thanksgiving Weekend

1. You need at least two full cups of gravy per person to keep a Thanksgiving party going. Terrifying, but true.

2. Seattle Mystery Bookshop is not hard to find – and full of really friendly people. Check it out some time.

3. People spend hundreds of dollars on fancy baking equipment – because most elements of baking suck! By the time you get to the good parts (licking choice ingredients off a spoon), you have sugar in your eyes, butter in your hair and your carpal tunnel is preventing you from even holding the damn spoon!

4. Turns out Mennonites shaved their mustaches (and kept those signature chin-strap beards), not because they’re awesome, but to distinguish themselves from men in the military – because they are pacifists.  

5. Metal spatulas are not hot right now. I can’t find one anywhere.

6. Unless that fake Christmas tree folds away in one or two pieces like an umbrella, say no! For the sake of your family and your own sanity, say no. Buy a real Christmas tree – and breathe it in.

Image: Abraham Lincoln. Not a Mennonite, but he did rock a chinstrap.