KAFKA 9-1-1

Hello!
 
Yes, could you speak a little louder? OK I can barely hear you.
You’re holed up in your room. You’ve barricaded the door. People
are trying to get in. Your feelers are getting tired dialing.
I can understand that.
 
You’re a “feeling” person aren’t you Mr. Kafka?
People think you’re a nerd. Oh, you are a nerd. There, there.
You wish you could be a June bug and wear a nice pin-striped suit.
Being a cockroach isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
 
Let me just ask you Mr. Kafka,
how long have you been a cockroach?
Since this morning. Well, that’s no reason to get panicky.
 
Calm yourself Mr. Kafka.
Have you taken anything? Just aspirin. You have a
headache. Your feelers are getting tired. You want to lie down.
You want to crawl into a corner and die.
 
That’s normal Mr. Kafka.
Absolutely normal. It’s nothing unusual. Can you stay where you are? You
can. Don’t move! You can barely move now. That’s good! Your feelers
are getting tired. Don’t hang up. You can’t hang up. I see. Keep the
line open and we’ll be there. We’re sending a team immediately.
You don’t want to be exterminated!
 
Don’t worry Mr. Kafka. Keep talking.
I can barely hear you. Your feelers are getting tired. Aren’t we all? Yes,
sometimes I feel like scratching. Yes, I have a hard time finding the right
shoe size.
 
Yes, Mr. Kafka.

Yes. We will send you a pin-striped suit. Yes.
No. I haven’t read Metamorphosis. But I’d like to. We’re in your corner. There’s no room in your corner. You can’t come out. You feel existential. Well, we all get a little
tired. If I were you I’d sleep on it. Don’t go anywhere, just keep a low profile.