8 Illuminating Things from a Long Weekend (And a Friend’s Wedding)

1. The Atomic dog: n. a strenuous dance move that makes the performer appear as if she is combining crab walking with Russian dance. See also: back injury.

2. Kentucky-made wine is a lovely idea. (Stick with the Bourbon!)

3. Carded at a wedding reception, but welcomed into a distillery tasting room without so much as a second glance. The world does not make sense.

4. I belong in a cherry red car. (I miss you already, sweet, tiny Chevy Aveo.)

5. Tenacious D (the album): still funny.

6. After listening to a grown man read the entire Sky Mall catalogue aloud, chortling heftily after each of his own glib jokes about elaborate pet waste management solutions, I feel stupidity is a form of terrorism – and I think it should be swiftly punished on overcrowded flights.

7. Keep your grits soft, your shirt stiff, your Bellini’s chilled, your skin sun-kissed, your letters hand-written, your family and friends abundant and your tears only barely restrained – and the wedding will be perfect. (M & P 4 Eva.)  

8. Say yes to Bourbon balls.